Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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