If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
