I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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