Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
