just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
