I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
