i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
