I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
