Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
why is half of my head shaved?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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