I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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