So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
