I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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