new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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