Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
