how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
