I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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