thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
