I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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