he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
