Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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