Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
