what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
