i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
