did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
