At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
