New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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