My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
