theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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