They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
