why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
