Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
