I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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