Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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