My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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