Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
