Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
