She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
