3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My penis needs a shock collar
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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