i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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