I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
