Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
