Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
