my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The air was thick with penises
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
