so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Im part way to drunk.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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