Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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