my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
