dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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