that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
