you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
