remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
