just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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