i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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