Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
