yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
only you would photoshop your dick
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
