omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
