Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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