I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
