Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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