Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
MIDGETS
????
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
