I bet he comes in French.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
