Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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