You're my little dorito
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
