In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Never underestimate the power of titties
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
