Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
